Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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