Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My penis needs a shock collar
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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