Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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