I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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