I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
