Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
