dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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