Nicole vs. Life
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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