as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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