Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
