my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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