i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
