I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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