i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
