Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
