so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
