I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
