I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
