I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
