This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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