Quick, to the slutcave!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I need water and some morals
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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