i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
