I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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