There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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