so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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