she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
