last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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