How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
this boner is exhausting
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
