So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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