Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
