I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize