Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
