Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
