6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Welp...herpes.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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