she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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