then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
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