I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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