And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
