He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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