hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
