I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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