I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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