Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
