I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i barfeds in our rink
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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