I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
