i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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