found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
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Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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