I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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