Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
