I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have tasted many bathrooms
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
