somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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