If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dicks are not precious.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
