I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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