I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
