Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
