Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
