He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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