I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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