Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
