it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
